I like to write because I think a lot.

I think a lot about what makes some people win so effortlessly, while other people struggle to make progress in the main areas of their lives (love life, financial life, health).

Our identities are these stories that we tell ourselves - and each other - about who we think we are. Stories that we believe so deeply. Stories are just a self perception, they can empower us or destroy us… and they’re changeable.

When people refer to themselves as a ‘loser’ they are actually describing the sum total of outcomes of their life at that current time, compared against whatever criteria they consider to be successful behavior.

What this means is, they are describing their behavior and mistaking themselves for their behaviors.

You cannot BE a loser because you are a human being. You can only behave like a loser.

If you or someone you know refers to themselves as a ‘loser’ remind them of this statement:

I am a human who has been behaving like a Loser, and I am in full control of changing my behavior.

HERES THE DEAL

As with most things there is a simple answer to changing yourself. The universe presents things in a tricky way though. The trick, as we all know is SIMPLE DOES NOT MEAN EASY.

I’m going to share with you a concept called Locus of Control.

WHAT IS IT?

Locus of Control is a theory that refers to a person’s belief about what causes or influences the outcomes they experience in their life.

A person can have:

1. An internal locus of control (winners mentality)

2. An external locus of control (losers mentality)

Both will affect the following areas of your life in positive or negative ways:

• mental state

• emotional state

• financial life

• love life

• health

Let’s look at both external and internal locus of control.

WHAT IS AN EXTERNAL LOCUS OF CONTROL

A person with an external locus of control believes that it’s the circumstances outside of them that are impacting their internal environment (their emotions, and ultimately behavior).

Here are some examples of what it sounds like:

“I can’t do this because X,Y,Z…”

“It’s not possible for me because I don’t have…”

“The timing isn’t right for me to do…”

“I want to but the weather…”

“I can’t believe she would make me feel like this…”

The professional term for this type of behavior and mentality is called Learned Helplessness. Doesn’t that sound sexy and desirable?

The popular name we all know is Victim Mentality.

IF you have an external locus of control you likely:

• don’t believe highly in yourself

• you blame others for your financial situation

• you blame others for your health

• you blame others for your love life

• you just blame anyone but yourself

Even if it’s not your fault, it is your responsibility to change it. People with an external locus of control do not believe this.

Which takes us to an internal locus of control.

WHAT IS AN INTERNAL LOCUS OF CONTROL

People who have an internal locus of control have a belief that they have the ability to influence outcomes through their own actions and thoughts.

Said differently, they put a conscious effort to not allow outside situations to affect their internal emotional environment, and they control the things within their control.

Simply put, they do not allow the outside world to affect their inside world.

Imagine for a second how powerful of a skill this is if you had it mastered?

• Imagine if your emotions weren’t all over the place like a fart in the wind?

• If you were cool and calm physically, but more importantly mentally.

This is a much better scenario should some trouble show up.

Here are some examples of what it sounds like:

• “yeah it’s a shitty situation but I can handle this”

• “these are the elements out of my control, but here’s what I can and will control”

• “I’m choosing not invest my energy there”

• “bad things happen, I’m not going to let it ruin my day”

• “all I can do is focus on what’s within my control”

• “I’m going to choose how I respond”

Can you see how much more empowering this is?

It high-frequency behavior.

It’s the accountability required to become successful, however you define success.

EMOTIONAL CONTROL

When you have a strong internal locus of control you are the gatekeeper of your emotional state. You decide if and when outside circumstances (people‘s comments, negativity, and bad news) are going to create an emotional response inside of you.

You control your energy and frequency.

Can you see how powerful of a skill this is?

You are no longer reactive to outside things.

You are a FORTRESS, and when some type of negatively arrives at your castle gates YOU decide how you are going to respond to it… you can also decide NOT to respond to it.

This is so important because your mental state creates a chemical reaction in your body called a feeling, and feelings that you hold onto become a mood, and your mood affects your behavior, and your behavior builds the quality of your life.

MAKING THE SHIFT - EXTERNAL TO INTERNAL

How do I shift from an external locus of control to an internal one?

There isn’t a simple answer to this, but there is an honest one. It takes work. So before embarking on this journey, understand that it will be challenging and make the commitment before you begin. That being said here are some simple yet effective guidelines to keep you on the path when things get dark.

4 THINGS TO STOP DOING

• Stop re-living past negative experiences in the present - there’s no point in reliving the shitty times of the past, making your body feel those emotion in the present. You’re tricking body into thinking it’s happening now. That’s ridiculous.

• stop judging people - its a sign of an external locus of control. It’s Also a weak character trait. You rambling on saying unkind things about people who can’t hear you. People who pass judgement are just wasting time and making ugly noises.

• stop placing blame on others - yeah sometimes it might actually be someone else’s fault but you give away all your power when you place blame. Their fault, your problem. Find a solution. That’s powerful.

• stop feeling sorry for yourself - you’re not a victim. You’re not helpless. Stop thinking, speaking, and behaving like you are. Self-pity is like being in a boat that’s sinking and just jumping in bed and pulling the covers over your head…I know you’re not going to do that.

4 THINGS TO START DOING

• start reminding yourself that nothing has meaning until you place meaning on it- when something triggers you, stay quiet, think about where the feeling is in your body, tell yourself that the feeling doesn’t belong to you, and release it. Negative feelings are always available to you if you choose them, the same is true for positive ones as well. You’re also allowed to not have feelings towards a thing. People won’t agree, but isn’t that always the case?

• Starting making a list of things that are within your control when something outside you makes you upset. - Use this list to begin taking immediate action on at least one of these items, and pat yourself on the back for working on a solution right away.

• remind yourself that with words alone, no one can do you harm unless you allow them to. - words are just mouth noise. Yes I know people can say nasty things, but it’s just a reflection of their character. Better to endure ugly noises than to be an ugly person on the inside. Agreed?

• use this mantra: sometimes shit happens and when it does I’ll clean it up. - Sometimes life gets shitty. It stinks and it’s messy. Don’t be a victim just laying in the poo poo. Get up, clean it up, be a boss, move on.

• (Bonus) take accountability for your life - the dreaded ‘A-Word’ - its your life, take responsibility for it. Your decisions got you where you are and they can also keep you where you are… your decisions also set you free. Choose freedom.

Here’s bonus perspective: life is not that serious, you’re going to die like the rest of us and all the pieces go back in the box like a board game when it’s all done.

Yes things will stress you.

Yes things will test you.

This is part of the human experience.

Our job is to learn where we are weak, and find solutions to problems in our lives. Your life is your business. So act like a business and find solutions to your problems. Be your first client. Make change in your life. Some wins come fast, and others slow. Learn from losses.

And if you really want to do it big, find other people who are going through the same problems you solved and charge them money to help them through it. As you know, we pay for services that make our lives better.

-James

P.S.

You get what you want by helping people get what they want. If you found this letter helpful, share it with someone.

I’d love to hear your successes and challenges you can reply to this newsletter and I’ll get it.